Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
