PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
