i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
