I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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