Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
