Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
