I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize