guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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