I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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