I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
