I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
