There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
