I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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