Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
