i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
