hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
