its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
