my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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