first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
