When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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