nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
