My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
