I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
