one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
These tits shall not be calmed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
