i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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