oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
