If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
