i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
