he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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