MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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