She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
