oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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