Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
