I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
