We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
