my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Still dying that you shit outside
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
