i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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