just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
