Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
