**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
