i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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