and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
