You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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