But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
