Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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