please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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