This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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