White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
