How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
