I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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