hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
