I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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