i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
