dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
