The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
