I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
